Topping yourself

Lately I've been reading a lot of books from English and Scottish writers. Now I want to call everything I like "brilliant" and I notice the children having "rows" and rude and clueless people are now "gits." The newest English idiomatic expression I learned is that "topping yourself off" is to kill yourself. I got this from the Nick Hornby novel "A Long Way Down" which is about 4 individuals that accidentally met on the rooftop of a tall building on New Years Eve, ready to throw themselves over. They eventually form a rag-tag self-support group and meet up regularly despite their differences. They help each other out (in rather hilarious ways) and they all have enough life change to keep going.

I read Hornby's book "About a Boy" and really liked it. It was witty, insightful, and funny. I thoroughly enjoyed his writing style so I thought I'd try more of his books. I then read his book "How to be Good", but it was rather disappointing. However "A Long Way Down" was much better. Unfortunately there was too much strong language, but it was funny. Oddly enough I read it and a particularly appropriate time. Last weekend someone from work "topped himself". I worked with him quite a bit, and though we didn't end up being pals, this event left me feeling quite disturbed. I guess he was having some marital problems and his wife and two children left him. So that same weekend he did himself in.

It is so sad that he didn't just wait it out a bit. He could have just waited a week or two and see that life can still go on. In the book the 4 people found out that if that could make it 90 days they found they still had things to live for and their situations changed enough for them to keep going. Just in one season you can gain a better perspective on things and see that life is worth living.

We acquired one half of this guy's information company last year. He was the main programmer and it was a small operation and he was key to almost all of the processes. Just Friday one of their servers went down (a bad hard drive). He hadn't backed it up and nobody is really sure what all is supposed to be on there. He left a big mess for us to clean up at work. Someone is going to have to come in and reverse engineer all of his work and "figure out" what he did the hard way. That is just small beans compared to his poor family. His spouse is going to live with grief and guilt for her whole life. His poor children may never completely come to grips with his actions. Not to mention his parents, siblings and friends.

It would be easy to say that he took the easy way out and that his actions were purely selfish. Maybe that is the truth, but how can you ever know what goes on in someone's mind? Mental illness is a malady that can strike anyone. It is simply a tragedy.